well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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