my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize