69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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