Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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