READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How external is "for external use only"?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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