soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
