he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
