dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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