okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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