Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
