what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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