i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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