I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
