You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
