I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
