i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
