So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
