Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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