So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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