Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Never joke about your clitoris.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
