I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize