everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
