at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
