You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
