Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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