Taylor Swift is so right about you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
