Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
