Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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