I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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