I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is Oprah even human
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
