3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize