good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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