I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
