I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
