So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
