Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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