We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Did I show you my penis last night?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
