WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
