you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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