i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
