I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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