can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
