Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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