Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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