We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
