Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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