I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
