he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
