he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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