Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They took my balls.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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