i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
