if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
