She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
