and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
