he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
