so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
