there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize