Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

when does round two start

(703): View more from Virginia

I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid

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(803): View more from South Carolina

you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.

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(240): View more from Maryland

woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.

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(631): View more from New York

she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?

(516): View more from New York

nope.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.

(478): View more from Georgia

Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.

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(916): View more from California

The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.

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(618): View more from Illinois

On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.

(708): View more from Illinois

Plasma, LED or OLED?

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