Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
