i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
do herpes really smell.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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