Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
