I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
