What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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