It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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