does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Slut skills are useful in every country.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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