I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
