Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
