break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
