ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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