Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
