i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
