apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
