Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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