A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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