I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
